When Opportunity Comes Knocking

The past few months have been a series of ups and downs.  The ups were finishing a major rehab that has been a 13-year process, really making the time and effort to reconnect with the people I love, and watching my garden flourish in spite of the unending heat and drought.  The downs have been the stress involved with completing multiple projects on a short time frame, the realization that our RV at the lake has become more of a burden than a place of relaxation and it's time to move on, and the worry about our daughter and next grandchild who is soon to join the world in less than ideal circumstances.  Oh, and breaking my foot.  Again.  Only a year and a half after I broke my leg. Which was a bit more than a year or so after I broke my foot the last time.

I don't do "helpless" well, and having to navigate, once again, on crutches...and ask for help doing even the smallest of tasks...put me back into a dark place for a while.  But I had a choice, something I have recently realized, to either fight against my circumstances making myself and everyone around me miserable in the process or to accept what has happened and try to make the best of the situation.  I pouted for a day or so, and then turned it around.

The truth of the matter is, I am a "doer."  I have, from an early age, been constantly busy and constantly driven to achieve.  In a large part, this has been my method of coping with an awful childhood, and as a coping mechanism, it has served me quite well.  I have accomplished a great deal in my fifty years.  I have enough degrees for everyone else in my family. I have had success in my career. I have created warm and welcoming homes.  I have learned how to play instruments, lay tile, make pies, sail, read Tarot cards and so many other things that I mostly lose track (although belly dancing lessons are in the near future).  I imagine that my diverse interests stem in part from my tricky Gemini cusp, but mostly it has been my innate insatiable hunger for knowledge and experience.

However, being physically limited has forced me into first gear again.  Forced me to stop "doing" and spend some time "being."  And the truth is, I don't do "being" very well, either.  But that little voice whispering in my ear is saying, "Michele, it is time to slow down, take stock and recharge your batteries."  Usually, I just ignore that little voice because, of course, I have far too much to do.  This time, though, I listened.

For me, slowing down means catching up on my reading.  It means spending time by myself in my house, not feeling like there is something that needs to be done right now.  It means going to bed before the sun goes down and sleeping through until morning. And it means making room for different energy to fill that "doing" space.  Just being.  Now there's a concept.