I honestly believe that if you put energy into the universe, the universe will respond. The trick is that you have to be able to listen.
During my epiphany week in May, I made the decision to change my life. That is where this blog originated...I realized I was wearing the ruby slippers all along, and only I could get myself "back home." Of course, the problem was, I didn't know where "home" was, but I was willing to let it go (and for those of you who know my...umm...I have control issues), and trust in what might happen.
As it turned out, through a series of events that included the deaths of two people connected to me who were just about my age and a last-minute resignation of an instructor at the college where I had been tenured before, I turned in my resignation, and August 31 was my last "official" day employed in my own position.
I would like to say it was a seamless transition, but it wasn't. My previous employer was totally shocked that someone would walk away from a six figure salary to go to a part-time teaching gig at a private school (read "wages just above volunteer rate"), but I knew I had to leave a negative environment that I could not change. And, being a change agent, that was difficult for me. There were obviously some hard feelings from my immediate manager since he refused to let take any work time in my last week to monitor phone calls and emails if I wasn't sitting in a chair in my fishbowl cubicle where he could see me, so I had to burn vacation days (the semester began, so I was teaching a couple of hours each day). But, in my new position, I am respected, liked and treated like a professional. And because my colleagues are well aware of what I have to offer, they are thankful that I was able to step in at the last minute and continually tell me so. Not to mention my colleagues are also my friends...even those in positions of authority. It is certainly refreshing.
I have taken the Labor Day weekend to reset. With the drastic reduction in income, we are reprioritizing and reorganizing our lives. I am looking forward to cooking more and eating out less, to finally being able to enjoy the things I have accumulated instead of accumulating more things, and most of all, having time to do things that enrich my life. I have time to write, to create in my studio space and to enjoy the outdoors on bike, in kayak or just walking through the woods. I have been back to the library, one of my most favorite places in the world, and I finally saw the exhibit at the museum I have wanted to see for months.
I have also decided to pare back to the essentials the enrich me physically, too. I have suffered over the past two months from a broken foot and even longer from an injured rotator cuff. I made the decision to drop the bootcamp activity, the yang of the exercise world, and concentrate on Nia and get back to yoga and a more yin space. Lo and behold, my best friend won a semester yoga pass from my favorite studio and turned it over to me. The universe, once again, delivered.
As we move into fall, my favorite season, I feel lighter and more free than I have in a long, long time. I am actually looking forward to every day instead of dreading the drama that and mistreatment I dealt with every day at my old job (I really like saying "old job."). And I have forgotten how much I enjoyed teaching...and how good I am. I have always identified as a teacher, and I have come back "home" in this respect. Teaching rewards me in a different way every day, because I know I am making a difference in my students' lives.
As I transition to a new kind of life, I still have fears that aren't easy to shake. Having had to struggle for survival early on in life, I don't want to go back to a place of desperation and deprivation. And even though I know that, financially, we have saved and planned for many years to be right where we are now, I still have visions of being a bag lady and pushing a shopping cart with my belongings along the sidewalk. Irrational, I know, but those old patterns are hard to break. I guess that is why I am in therapy again. But I do know...and I mean REALLY know...that the key to having more is wanting less. We all have lots of stuff, and I finally get the opportunity to enjoy mine.
Stay tuned...I am sure that there will be bumps along the way (oh yea, there is that health insurance thing), but I am moving forward with optimism and happy anticipation. Look...I said happy. THAT is worth the whole experience.
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